"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
08/17/2016 at 20:23 • Filed to: None
5
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"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
08/17/2016 at 20:23 • Filed to: None | 5
| 27 |
When you’re a Millennial living at home, you are...well, a Millennial living at home. Just soak up all of the fail of your existence right there. But the good news is that at least your parents are willing to let you have a beer or two a night to help you soak up all that fail. The bad news is that it’s a refrigerator full of Coors, a beer so bad that apparently Peyton Manning feels compelled to shill for Budweiser instead. So when you happen to attend a social event that’s serving Corona, and you happen to be more or less forced to bring it home with you because nobody at said social event was smart enough to bring a bottle opener with them (plus you don’t want to drive home drunk - drink responsibly, Millennial kiddos) it tends to be something special, I guess?
Taste
Um, it smells really funny but it taste fine I guess? I’m really impressed with how smooth it is - if you didn’t know any better, you couldn’t even tell it’s beer until you’re on your fifth or sixth one and the alcohol starts really hitting you hard . I remember when the vape bros were really pushing to legalize pot in Denver, they were all about hey it’s safer than drinking! I have to imagine that this is kind of what it feels like.It doesn’t hit you until waaaay beyond the point where you’d be self-aware of it, but then again if you’re self-aware of it I guess you’re doing it wrong.
One time I bought my alcoholic ex-girlfriend wine coolers specifically because she hated wine coolers and I thought maybe it would get her to stop drinking, but no, not only did she drink them anyway but it’s one of the things that lead to our break-up. I mention this because I imagine she’d have the same reaction to Corona, she really likes the hard stuff. Yeah maybe I’m better off without her.
Other Stuff
Uhhh I’m drawing a blank here
Effectiveness at getting drunk
No better or worse than Coors or any other beer.
Will it baby?
If you’re asking this about a beer product you belong in jail. Good Lord the sad thing is I can imagine my ex treating this as a serious question.
Jalopnik scale of something
I don’t even know if it goes well with tacos. That’s kind of a racist assumption? I don’t know? Question mark? Does it go with a Miata? No, it doesn’t. No beer does. My ex had to learn that the hard way when she flipped her’s onto its roof. But wait Miatas don’t have roofs! That’s because she was driving a Chrysler Sebring. I am not painting a good picture of my ex at all.
Am I drunk?
I’d say so.
Total Jalopnik Score
uh 87/100, based on criteria...uh, no criteria at all it’s just a number I pulled out of my ass
I mentioned my ex waaay too much in this review
So I’m going to talk about Coors instead. It’s kind of, uh, what’s the word for not smooth? Not smooth? I mean, maybe I’ve been dulled by it but it’s kind of meh-ish now. I remember when I attended my first Rockies game at legal drinking age and I won a free Coors Light and I was like, man, that’s amazing and smooth. Seriously it was like the frickin’ nectar of the gods here. Is it just me or does beer taste better at the ballpark? I mean, it was a Coors Freakin’ Light! So I was like, yeah, Coors is the best man! And then I tried it from a can and I was like the biggest disappointment in my entire life. It was harsh, it was scratchy (does that apply to beer?) and it just didn’t have that magic taste. You know the one I’m talking about - clear, yet with just a hint of hoppiness. That whole reason why you’re drinking beer instead of vodka, because you want something that’s satisfying instead of just an excuse to get drunk. But out of the can it’s just...nothing special. I wouldn’t be this disappointed again until I found out that the really hot chick I’m dating is dating me only because her picture is plastered on the cash register of all the local liquor stores with the caption DO NOT ACCEPT CHECKS FROM.
Other Thoughts
- Man I hope posting Cee Lo doesn’t make it an automatic endorsement of his apparent abusive behavior. Or that people would even get that reference anymore
- I hope that with Generation Z (what’s that anyway? Like, 14 year olds?) we’ll finally run out of letters and forget to name whatever the generation after that is.
- I’m too drunk to think of anything else.
My citroen won't start
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:26 |
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CORONA IS GOOD STFU.
ROSÉ IS ALSO GOOD.
(these are my social event drinks of choice)
Daily Drives a Dragon - One Last Lap
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:27 |
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It’s a bit of a ramble but at least it was entertaining right.
Honeybunchesofgoats
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:27 |
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I remember finding a six pack of Coors with some friends when I was about eight. We each tried a sip and decided that the best use for them was to throw them onto asphalt and pretend they were grenades exploding.
I have to imagine that I'd do the same today.
lone_liberal
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:28 |
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!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!
No better or worse than Coors or any other beer.
I’m going to have to disagree with you there. A lot of beers have almost double the alcohol content of Corona, or Coors for that matter.
TheRevanchist
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:33 |
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Mind if I share this with other kinja? This review is too good to not share.
interstate366, now In The Industry
> lone_liberal
08/17/2016 at 20:42 |
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If not more. Strongest beer I ever had was 20% alcohol. It’s basically liquor at that point. I should go buy another bottle and review it.
Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:47 |
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No one at said social event knew how to open a bottle with a lighter? That’s an important skill any drinker should know.
AfromanGTO
> interstate366, now In The Industry
08/17/2016 at 20:52 |
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This is 28% and is two hundred bucks!
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AfromanGTO
> Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
08/17/2016 at 20:52 |
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Or wearing reef flip flops with a bottle opener?
Wacko
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:53 |
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In Canada we call Coors light water.
many, many things can be used to open a beer bottle, like a lighter, knife, teeth(don’t recommend)
And you didn’t mention lime with your corona.
http://m.wikihow.com/Drink-Corona
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AfromanGTO
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 20:56 |
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Corona needs to be ice cold and have lime in it for it to be decent.
This Belzebuth pretty good, but no they changed it..
You need to get some Banana Bread Beer! That stuff is amazing. I am not really a beer drinker or am too fond of beers.
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interstate366, now In The Industry
> AfromanGTO
08/17/2016 at 20:59 |
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$10.99 per bottle for the 20%. Although that’s probably smoother.
slicetoast
> TheRevanchist
08/17/2016 at 21:05 |
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...please provide a link if you, i’d like to check out the comments section. Thanks . Cheers.
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TheRevanchist
> slicetoast
08/17/2016 at 21:21 |
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Any comments will show up here. It’s a kinja thang.
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slicetoast
> TheRevanchist
08/17/2016 at 21:29 |
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Much appreciated, sire.
Life and Times of Magoo: The People's Champ
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 22:07 |
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Good good. I was afraid you were going to day you like it.
I only refer to it as : Mexican piss water
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Life and Times of Magoo: The People's Champ
> My citroen won't start
08/17/2016 at 22:08 |
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Corona blows unless you put sprite and Bacardi in it
TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> Rust and Dust - Oppositelock Forever
08/17/2016 at 22:25 |
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Came here to say this, I think we’ve failed as mentors for the next generation... I’m so ashamed.
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TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 22:44 |
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Okay I feel I need to impart some of my years of alcohol/liver abuse ... uh... experience to help you out a bit...
IMHO Corona is Mexican cat piss, much like how Coors light is American cat piss.
Joke time: What do drinking Coors light and having sex in a canoe have in common? In both cases you’re fucking close to water...
If you want and easy drinking beer for the summer that actually doesn’t taste like your mothers disappointment, get yourself some Imperial.
It’s 4.6% by volume and fun fact, beer below 5% by volume alcohol content actually hydrates you where as beer above 5% will dehydrate you. This is important to know if you plan on drinking all day long and it’s 100+ out. It’s all about being responsible...ish (also seriously, don’t drink and drive because it’s probably the dumbest fucking thing you can ever do).
Now if you’re looking for other beers to try that don’t taste like two hobo’s fucking in a dumpster. Try these:
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/2…
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/8…
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/2…
https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/1…
Now I’ve given you a wider range on beers that I think you’d be able to get easily so this is by no means the be all end all list. I’m sure there are other Opponaughts who will have stuff to add.
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TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> Wacko
08/17/2016 at 22:46 |
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Also wedding bands, especially if you get your ring made out of tool grade steel... I mean I know a guy that did that once...
Shour, Aloof and Obnoxious
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/17/2016 at 22:54 |
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Corona: limes officially required, since every bottle comes skunked!
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Wacko
> TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
08/17/2016 at 22:55 |
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Once as a married man, and many other times as a divorced man?
RallyWrench
> TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
08/18/2016 at 01:08 |
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Mine’s titanium, not a scratch on it after almost a decade with hundreds of beers opened. Having a square edge to it helps, and some beers are harder to open than others (like anything Anchor makes), but it kicks ass. Nice party trick too.
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TheBloody, Oppositelock lives on in our shitposts.
> Wacko
08/18/2016 at 09:29 |
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Heh, my wife has me open her beers for her.
For Sweden
> Wacko
08/18/2016 at 11:31 |
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What do you call Molson? Air?
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Wacko
> For Sweden
08/18/2016 at 12:07 |
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beer.
but i was more of a Labatt’s Blue drinker myself.
Nauraushaun
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
08/20/2016 at 10:13 |
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Is this not a common beer in America?